Selasa, 22 Desember 2009

My Teen Wants To Know How Sex Was And Is For Me What Do I Say?

How was your first time, dad? How does it feel, mom?

Questions most parents are not prepared to deal with when they talk about sex.

Most parents find talking about sex difficult.
With each other, let alone with their kids.
That is not new, although with all the changes over the last 40 years maybe a bit surprising.
It is not very common for a parents to say that "I wish my kids a great sex life".

But isn't that part of being happy, of being a content, satisfied adult?
Most of us sure wish ourselves a great sex life, don't we?

Parents are the number 1 source of learning, of values for children and teens, unless we don't give them anything to look to.
And then other sources become where they learn: friends, the street, movies, music videos, porn magazines and videos. And is that really where you want them to learn about sex, about sexuality, sensuality?

If you dont' talk about it THEY will, but with who?
I think it is crucial parents take more of a lead in educating their kids about sex.
Sure, you could leave it to schools, but sex education is a highly charged subject in most (North American) jurisdictions.

And uninformed children and teens will find their own way to get to know about sex.
Because the drive doesn't stop, just because you don't talk about it!
And there isn't a teen who was born knowing everything there is to know about sex,

And there are more, clear reasons:

- One in three women has a very negative sexual experience (from unwanted touching to rape) that impacts them for many years.

- Teen pregnancies have declined with increased use of birth control

- The pressure to be a sexual object, to perform sexual services at ages like twelve and thirteen is dramatic for young girls (and where do they get that image?)

- Boys are taught to see girls as sex providers, sex as a right, an entitlement.

So, who talks with them about what a great sex life can be?

Many of us will think "Well, my own sex life isn't that great"
Why? Often because we haven't talked about it for years and we are tired, caught up in keeping the family running and sex isn't all that exciting anymore.
That is no reason not to talk to your kids. Do you want that for them?

What do I think parents need to do?

1. Get comfortable with your own sex life and with talking about it.

It doesn't matter whether you are a strict religious person or a person who sees sex as a personal freedom in anyway it is performed. Or anything in between (where most of us are!)
Your kids need to know where you stand and why. By looking at your sex life and getting comfortable to talk about it with others, you will increase your skill to discuss it when the time comes.

2. Think about what you wish your kids.

Do you want them to be happy, healthy adults, with a great sex life (within whatever view of sexuality you have)? Do you want them to know everything they need to know so they can be safe, happy and feel good about choices they make and limits they set?
It doesn't matter whether you prefer abstinence or them to do whatever they like. Being informed, by you, will help them reach what you wish them. Or, if they do it differently, at least do it informed!

3. Talk about it, as early as possible.

Make it easy for your self, and them, by starting early.
When questions are still in the "where do babies come from" range. That way you can practice and become comfortable with it, both of you.

If you haven't, be brave and get into it anyway, when they are teens!
Introducing talking about sex, your body and how it will change, the feelings you will get, in your own way, teaches them not only the facts, but also to talk about it.

4. Educate yourself on materials/books you can share.

When you prepare by looking for what you deem appropriate materials, you will be ready when needed, and maybe learn a few things, too! (There are many very informative sites , both for parents and teens and as varied as our values are. Just click search on "teens and sex" and the whole spectrum will come up.)

5. Think about the worst thing they can ask you.

By thinking through what you would answer them, knowing that you are trying to prepare them for real life, for mistakes and delights, you can make a lot of questions less threatening. And the chance that you shut them down by getting defensive a lot smaller too. And yes, your answer can be age and maturity fitting. Remember that most often it will be a direct question, needing a simple direct answer. Not a lecture. (My daughter has a lecture alert "printed" on her face, the moment I get into too much talk!) So if they ask about "When did you have sex for the first time?" your answer can be direct too: "On my wedding night" "When I was 18" "When I had been in a relationship for three years with..." And, o, 95% of us in North America did have sex before marriage, according to a recent, wide spread survey. So you are not alone, even is that is the value you hold as a goal to strive for.

6. Work on your own sex life. So you can be a role model for your child.

A happy parent, content with and in their body and sex life is the clearest role model you can wish your child. Seeing you, happy where you're at, makes them want to learn from you.
And if you are not happy with your sex life, had terrible experiences, try to focus on what you would want them to experience.

7. Teach how to prevent sad experiences, but focus on creating the great ones!

We live in a fear and disaster focused society.
Having a great sex life is about a good thing.
So help them by teaching them to be prepared and then focus on how to create great experiences! Fear isn't a great thing as you're trying to have a good experience!

And yes, please teach them clear boundaries, open communication, knowing when and how to stop. Making it a two way street in all aspects is a great start. Teach them about both sides of the fence, what their partner may want, need, feel. About risks and diseases. And how to prevent them.
And how a great sex life is with someone. Over a longer time. Knowing and trusting each other.
Because however intense our one off experiences maybe, that is not what most of us say a great sex life is all about. It is about being with a partner, who you love. And yes, that counts for guys too.

So get ready to talk, about your first time, masturbation, good and bad experiences and yes even about orgasms. So you can, when you need to.
In your way, from your values and with what you want you kids to know. And how you are comfortable with it all.
Because, remember: if you don't, who will?

Minggu, 20 Desember 2009

Sex Position Education

Sex education is a topic of great importance. We all agree on that, (or most people anyway), and yet it's something that scares us.

So we leave it to somebody else, and like the old children's story, if everybody leaves it for somebody else to do, it never gets done. Or in this case, Some of it gets done, but what is Done is Negative, and It's not working.

What's negative about our sex education is that it's fear based. We teach our children, and not only our children, about not getting pregnant, about not contracting HIV/Aids.
The shame and taboo of sex is still there.

The embarrassment of talking about sex is still there.
And we know it's not working.

Teenage pregnancy is on the rise.

HIV figures are not decreasing and sexual abuse is increasing.
More children of 12 years old are having sex.
We are failing our children and ourselves in an area of life that we could make a real, noticeable difference.

Why does it scare us to go there?
Because we have to confront ourselves, acknowledge that maybe we don't know that much about sex ourselves, about our genitals. And it embarrasses us.

So sex education is not just about our kids, it's educating a society to a new way of being and relating, to new, healthy attitudes about ourselves, other people, our world.

I'm often asked, 'How do I talk to my kids about sex?'
It's a simple question with a complex answer that challenges us.

Firstly, we have to talk to them openly and honestly, which means no embarrassment, no euphemisms. We can only do this if we're comfortable with our own sexuality.

Secondly, it means we have to acknowledge our kids as sexual beings, even if they're asking purely out of curiosity, not an intention to act. (We can hope that they're not in the growing group of 12 and 13 year olds having sex, because, of course, 'my child never would'). Once again it's always Some body Else.

Thirdly, the education we offer has to come into line with what they're seeing in the media, TV, movies etc. the onslaught they're exposed to every day. We have to close the gap between old, outdated ideas and the reality they face in the world.

Next we have to have open forums for discussion on a range of sexual issues. The people we choose to lead these are important. They need to be open, honest and aware, not fearful or stuck in the past. Their education on sexual topics needs to be clear, not infused with myths and misunderstandings.

Then we have to offer sexual alternatives.
Our children are not not going to have sex once they've decided to explore, for whatever reason, boredom, excitement, and peer pressure, whatever.

We can't stop them, as much as some people think they can.
But if we offer alternatives and look to other sources for education we can make a difference.
There are other possibilities for sexual exploration than penetration. One example is the Expanded Orgasm technique, no penetration, no oral, no swapping bodily fluids, includes respect and communication.

I've come to see that masturbation is still a big taboo in our society, yet it has many benefits. One of these is that becoming conscious of your own body and pleasure brings a greater sense of ownership of your self. This leads directly to becoming more responsible of who you allow to do what to you, what the boundaries are.

Then we look to the East, to the Tantric and Taoist traditions. Sex is given its rightful place as an integral and important part of life, with accompanying education. Some of the most important principles these philosophies teach, besides their techniques, are respect, honouring, communication and context.

From time to time there have been teenagers at the introductory talks on Tantra that I give. Every one of them has said that they wished all their friends could hear these ideas; it would make their sexual attitudes and actions very different. In South Africa the principles of respect and honouring are vital in light of the incredibly high incidence of rape and abuse.

These ideas are not about fostering a climate of promiscuity, just the opposite. By taking ownership of yourself and your sexuality, with real knowledge, with understanding the importance of emotions and relationships we create a meaningful context to explore in.
If we can teach our kids to respect themselves more, that will extend into respecting others, our society, our environment, our world...

Sex education is not only about teaching our children how not to get pregnant, it's about educating ourselves to be happy, fulfilled, pleasured beings.
It's educating a society, a future.

Kamis, 10 Desember 2009

Sex In The 21st Century - You Say You Want An Evolution

It's time for a whole new understanding of what sex is and what it can be. Here's a brief look at a new model of sexuality that can take you beyond the old historical boundaries, and go further then the limited recent sexual revolution to a new, integral and expanded vision of a true sexual evolution.

What is Sex?

I've been a Wholistic Sexuality Teacher, midwife, nurse, gynecology practitioner and an enthusiastic sexually active woman for many decades and I still don't have a simple answer to that question. I can tell you what it's not. Sex isn't just some brief lusty activity involving your reproductive organs, hidden behind a closed bedroom door. It's so much more then that.

A Fantastic Fulfilling, Frustrating Force

Sexuality is a force that is colossally complicated and mesmerizingly compelling. It's an unavoidable part of being human, yet shrouded in mystery. Sexuality is an interplay of desire and denial, fantasy and reality. It's a complex physical and biological template tangled with an equally elaborate cultural overlay. Sex is powerful and promising, chaotic and conflicted, ecstatic and blissful, frustrating and disappointing. For some it is demonic, for others, divine. Sex is emotional, energetic, and often overwhelming. Its power is personally pervasive and culturally ubiquitous, with messages both hidden and overt. Potentially, our sexuality can be deeply connecting; of us to ourselves, to others and to the great mystery of life. Unfortunately, that potential is never achieved for many people.

Should You Be Ashamed of Yourself?

Currently, sex in our world is still mostly based on negative models grounded in ancient history, perpetuated by modern media and the convoluted chaos of contemporary culture. For many, sex is a source of unhappiness, frustration and a deep unsatisfied longing. We live in a unique time and place where sex is overtly in-your-face and covertly in your pants, all the while harboring undercurrents of shame, guilt, fear, denial, lust and self-loathing for our bodies, our desires and our pleasures.

Succulent Sacred Sublime Sex

I believe that we need a new model of sexuality that incorporates a bigger picture of what sex is, of who we are and what we can be as sexual beings. I see a desperate need for a model where sex is honored, celebrated and sacred. So I made one up.

A Sexual Evolution - Wholistic Sexuality

We had a sexual revolution, with its bumpy gains, imperfect progress and some serious backlash. Now it's time for a sexual evolution that I call Wholistic Sexuality. In essence, the Wholistic Sexuality model is about conscious connection. This philosophy brings sex back into connection with all aspects of our selves and our lives in a way that honors the power of sexuality. In order to be a fully vital human being, we need our sexuality to be intact, functioning and healthy. Erotic expression, pleasure, intimacy, fun and joy are necessary for us to be truly whole.

Love Yourself As You Love Your Neighbor (or Lover)

This does not imply that in order to be healthy we must be in sexual relationships with others, but rather, we must create and maintain a good sexual connection with ourselves. In other words, Wholistic Sexuality is, first and foremost, about your relationship with your Self. This includes your relationship with your body, your history and experiences, the beliefs that you were exposed to as you grew up, your current and past relationships, your communities, the media, our culture, and all other aspects of the whole wide world. All of these components and more create your unique internal sexual relationship. Indeed, your sexuality is a hologram of your inseparable mind, body, heart and spirit. Your sexuality is ultimately, about everything.

A Sexy Healthy Whole

It seems everyone these days is striving to be healthy. Exercise, meditation and healthy eating are now mainstream ideas, supported by countless cultural messages. But sex hasn't yet emerged from the shadow of repression and shame to become part of what is considered a healthy lifestyle. And yet, sex is definitely good for you. It provides many of the benefits of exercise, meditation, and massage. Orgasms can replace many psycho-pharmaceuticals and probably a lot of therapy. Satisfying erotic experiences can promote well-being, confidence and self-esteem. The power of flowing sexual energy can revitalize and energize your life force. When you consciously connect with your sexuality and incorporate that power into your life, you become integrated and truly healthy.

Conscious Connection

I believe that a sexual evolution is beginning and will continue to occur. It's a part of the evolution of personal and global consciousness that is occurring planet-wide. And since I believe that evolution begins at home, I encourage you to explore and enhance your connection to your own delicious sexuality. After all, without sex, life itself would be impossible. And a whole lot less fun!

What to know more about conscious connection and sexual empowerment? Come visit SheriWinston.com for information and articles about Wholistic Sexuality and the Intimate Arts. We offer an email newsletter, free goodies and so much more! Receive a FREE SexCraft Orgasmic Abundance Mini-Guide E-book, which includes tips, techniques and an abundance of simple exercises for expanded sexual experiences, compliments of Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT, Wholistic Sexuality Teacher and sexual empowerment catalyst. Sheri is a medical professional, sexuality educator and author who is on a mission to transform our culture's attitudes about sex. She's a Teacher & Counselor of Wholistic Sexuality & founder of the Center for Wholistic Sexuality. She's also a former Certified Nurse-Midwife, Gynecology Practitioner, Registered Nurse and Massage Therapist.

Sheri teaches a curriculum of over 40 Empowering Sexuality classes as well as a small curriculum of WomanCraft classes. She offers private Wholistic Sexuality and Wholistic Gynecology Consultations. Sheri facilitates Empowering Sexuality retreats and presents at a wide range of conferences and gatherings. As a teacher of the Intimate Arts, Sheri delights in presenting her wide & varied curriculum of classes and workshops for men and women, spreading her paradigm of Empowering Sexuality Education and inspiring folks to have a lot more fun!

Selasa, 08 Desember 2009

Juicy Tips for Better Sex

It is no doubt that sex, plays a major part in maintaining a healthy and long lasting relationship. Many researches and surveys conducted over the years have concluded that one of the main keys to a happy and fulfilling relationship is great sexual experience.

Yet, many people are having problem enjoying sex with their partners. There are many reasons for this problem. The more common ones are psychological, cultural, early childhood experience and so forth.

The good news is, for so long as the individual or couple realise that sex is the number one killer or saver to their relationship and they are willing to change, there are thousands of tips available in books, magazines, internet and sex video for better sex.

Experimenting on these better sex tips allow you to have a pleasurable experience during the sexual act. They also give you the confidence to orchestra and enjoy the sexual experience with your partner.

The internet is also turning out to be a major source where couples look for tips for better sex. I have outlined below some of the juicy tips for better sex.

The first tip is to take the initiative. Taking the initiative will break the ice between the couple and also excite the opposite partner. Always be on the look out for adding novelties to your sex life.

Sex does not need to be performed in the bedroom only. It can be done in the basement or under the stairs or just about anywhere you wish. Some examples are, in the car, on the beach. The ideal location is only limited by your own imagination.

Create a sexy mood and the right kind of environment for having sex. For example, you can pull down the colorful curtains and light candles in the bedroom. You can also go for scented candles. Playing soft music in the background would also add spice to the sexual environment that you want to create.

Having sex in the bath can prove to be a totally different experience. It sure builds up the overall excitement. In case of using the vibrator, ask your partner to user it in you instead of using the vibrator solo. Try choosing the vibrator and sex toys with your partners, this will help building up his or her anticipation.

Try out newer positions to have sex. This will again lead to more excitement and add a lot of spice in the whole sexual act. Ask your partner to do different things on you and tell him / her which things turn you on. Repeat the act if you both like it very much.

Sex is a pleasurable activity that does not have time limits. Sex ends when both the partners are completely satisfied after the act. Sex is not a duty that should be completed in a fixed period of time.

You should try different types of stimulations on your partner every time you both have sex. Try to masturbate your partner instead of letting him or her do the act on his / her own.

At the end of the day, let your imagination run wild, do whatever is necessary to arouse yours and your partner's sex drive and enjoy the experience.

Minggu, 06 Desember 2009

Cunnilingus Tips - 4 Unique Ways to Enhance Oral Sex

In year 1999, British magazine Diva published its survey results on more than 400 readers: 38 % rated oral sex as "sexual attention they most liked to receive from a partner". It comes no surprise to us, considering the fact that many women could not orgasm during intercourse! Nonetheless, you can't go straight to her pants and move your tongue mindlessly. It doesn't work that way. In this article you will learn 3 unique ways to enhance oral sex. When done correctly, these methods will add a lot more fun to oral sex and helps her to achieve the big "O" quickly and easily.
  1. Porn movies: You may be surprised, but we rate porn movies as number one way to prepare women for oral sex. As you know, women are slow burners. You need to spend a lot of time and efforts in foreplay to arouse her. The best way to turn her on fast is to watch a porn movie together. If she enjoys the movie, it will make her feel sexy and hot. In other words, the movie does most of the foreplay jobs for you. However, do not go for your every day porn movies. To ensure she enjoy it, you must choose porn movies produced by female directors, specifically for women.
  2. Oral sex gel: it's perfect for man who does not feel comfortable to go between his partner's legs. It helps to keep her private area moist, while greatly enhance oral pleasure.
  3. Oral vibrator: with an oral vibrator, you can stimulate her clitoris as though you are performing oral sex on her. The wetness, warmth and touch from its vibration is very similar to motion of a man's tongue. It's perfect for man who does not feel confident to perform oral sex on his partner.
  4. Teasing technique: instead of mindless licking, try teasing technique. This technique helps her to build up sexual sensation easier and quickly. Here's how to do it: gently and slowly lick her clitoris in a capital M motion. In the mean time, monitor her body response closely. When she is getting aroused, move your tongue away from her clitoris and stimulate other areas near clitoris. Keep on doing this until she can't stand it anymore. After few repetitions, she should achieve the big "O" easily. Sometimes, even one repetition is enough to send her an orgasm.

Jumat, 04 Desember 2009

Sex is Good For Your Health

I believe that regularly occurring and frequent sex will produce certain emotional and physical health benefits. It's long been established that there are myriad of health benefits related to sexual activity. This awareness has been recorded in our culture for centuries in the form of old wives tales such as "Use it, or lose it." Just as if you don't use your common household appliances regularly, they'll also become rusty and break down.

A consistently active sex life can be directly beneficial for the cardiovascular system, particularly for men. The increase in heart rate is directly beneficial to the circulation, and can reduce the likelihood of a heart attack. The British Medical Journal published an article in 1997 that reported that men who had the highest number of orgasms had a better quality of life and lived the longest.

Sexual activity can also regulate and exercise the respiratory organs. In short, that heavy breathing with someone you love is healthy. Sex benefits neck and back muscles which increases blood flow to the brain and can alleviate certain types of headache...so, the next time your partner says, "I've got a headache, " you can say, "Good, let's make love and get rid of it."

In the post-coital phase of sex, the relaxation of muscles can even alleviate insomnia. The release of tension can lead to a deeper, quicker sleep.

Believe it or not, sex can work as a laxative, toning and controlling the lower abdominal muscles. Sex as pain medication may sound far fetched, but consider this: Just before the point of no return, high levels of oxytocin flood the body and release endorphins that relieve pain. Sexual activity can also help to relieve menstrual cramps by providing a natural decongestion.

No more flu or pesky colds is a good reason to have sex at least once or twice a week. That's what research showed at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania. They discovered that people who had regular sex had 30% higher levels of immunoglobulin A, an antibody which boosts the immune system.

If you think you're overweight, there's no better way to lose it than with increased sexual activity. It not only burns calories, but can also help turn fat into muscle more quickly than any other forms of exercise. Sex will burn a significant amount of calories but over eating will still cause weight gain. The most concise research shows that the act of sexual intercourse burns of about 200 calories, which is equal to running on a treadmill for half an hour.

Having sex keeps your organs healthy. Just as exercising the other muscles of your body contributes to your well being, sexual activity contributes to the flow of blood to your organs and helps to keep everything in good working condition from top to bottom.

There are also many wonderful psychological benefits. Sexual activity releases pleasure endorphins from the brain, which flood the body and literally de-stress it.

Sex can be an effective anti-depressant because it releases feel-good neurotransmitters from the brain called Dopamine. The physical and emotional aspect of sex can work together in improving self-esteem and adds to a sense of confidence.

Sex can help to get those creative juices flowing. Since sexual fulfillment also involves your brain, it can improve a variety of mental functions, including your concentration. Sex can make the mind more active and an imaginative approach to sex can not only spice up your love life, but it can create that wonderful feeling of sexual anticipation.

One of the most important psychological benefits of an active sex life is that it can reduce anxiety. The sedative effect of sexual activity is conducive to fighting the effects of daily tension. The emotional fulfillment that comes from an intimate sexual encounter results in the relaxation of your muscles in your brain.

Sex can improve your sense of smell because after lovemaking, prolactin, a hormone, flows to the brain and develops new neurons in the olfactory bulb, which is the brain's smell center.
The unique sense of intimate connection with the person you love cannot be duplicated by any other activity. Nothing else stimulates all the senses quite like sex.

There has been an enormous amount of research in the field of psychology focusing on the relationship between sexuality and mental health. Recent medical discoveries by the American Heart Association have confirmed the physical benefits of an active sex life. The American Association of Urologists and significant medical school studies at the University of California and Indiana, just to name two, have documented studies about the health aspects of an active sex life. Forbes magazine did a cover story on why sex is good for your health in 2003 with statistics from major universities and medical journals.

Let's face it, sex is really an integral part of a healthy life and can help you emotionally, psychologically, and physically. In summation, sex is good for you health in terms of the cardiovascular system, respiratory system, menstrual cramps, acts as a laxative, burns calories, keeps your organs healthy, acts as an anti-depressant, a mild sedative, can stimulate creativity, concentration, reduce stress,...and it feels great!

Selasa, 01 Desember 2009

Best Sex Positions - A Review of 'LoveCentria' The Great Sex Guide

LoveCentria, “the Great Sex Guide,” is an online membership site that attempts to teach men better ways to please their partners. With text, animation, and video guides, this site has a lot to offer its members, and unlike most online membership sites, you don’t have to pay monthly. You only pay once and you have access forever.

The sheer amount of content is awesome. It is mostly in video form, which makes for an easy (and enjoyable) learning experience.

However, I wasn’t overly thrilled about the animated position guides. While it’s a good idea, I’ve always felt that there is too much emphasis put on crazy new positions. Eventually, it becomes silly. I mean, how many different rear entry positions do you need to know? And why name it something different every time the angle changes by a tenth of a degree? So you put one leg up and kept one down. Who cares? It’s all doggy style. No need for silly names like “the Fire Hydrant,” or “the G Spot Jiggy.” There are three basic ways you can have sex: lying, sitting, or standing. The guy can be on top or the girl can be on top. You can be facing towards or away from one another. You can figure the rest out on your own. Enough said.

Thankfully, the biggest portion of the site is devoted to video advice. And it delivers big time. There are ten different DVD sets that cover almost every physical sexual technique. Everything from fingering, oral, etc. is covered. The best content comes from Dr. Natasha Terry (certified clinical sexologist, whatever that means) and her lovely assistants.
They talk extensively about the G-spot stimulation and angles that feel good inside the vagina. They go into several different techniques for digital and oral stimulation as well as penetration techniques.

One technique in particular called the UFO technique, meaning Ultimate Female Orgasm, gets a lot of attention and is taught in at least two of the DVDs. This method stimulates both the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time. I’ve personally tested it out and found the results to be very satisfactory. Honestly, it’s hard to get the hang of at first, but if you watch the videos a few times, you’ll figure it out. While it worked beautifully, I’m not exactly sure it gave the “ultimate” orgasm. For that, I think you have to go beyond the physical and employ some psychological stimulation. For that I’d recommend checking out The Masterful Lover Manual by David Shade.

LoveCentria’s Secrets of a Sexual Surrogate DVD provided some eye opening info about how sex is for a woman. A professional sexual surrogate named Sandra coaches her partner through a multitude of techniques to improve stimulation for a woman. She shows him ways to kiss, caress, and touch her in all the right ways while constantly giving verbal feedback. She guides him through the UFO technique along with many sexual positions. She shows how to use pillows to get just the right angles and penetration depths. This is a very valuable part of LoveCentria. It just might be my favorite section.

As a bonus to your membership, you get access to Men’s Forte, an online magazine full of sexual information (not to mention the streaming XXX videos). You also get 12 bonus E-books dealing with things like kissing, controlling ejaculation, g-spot orgasms, even anal sex. And don’t forget about the Member’s Forum. This is where you can ask all the questions you want and find lots of answers from other members.

All in all, this site provides a good return on your investment. It is definitely worth the price for the lifetime membership. And you can have actual DVDs of the content mailed to you. You can even get a one day pass to check it all out. I'm sure you will learn more than a few things from this site. It’s a good one. And while you’ll have to look elsewhere for information on dominance, dirty talk, and emotional and mental stimulation, there is a ton of information to improve your physical bedroom skills. If you combined the skills you will learn from LoveCentria with what David Shade has to offer, you’d be able to give her pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. Whether you’re new to sex and want to know how to please your woman physically or you’re already a bedroom master looking to further develop your physical technique, I recommend you check it out.

Sabtu, 28 November 2009

The Practice of Safe Sex Education Among Teens

There are greater calls nowadays for safe sex. People now acknowledge the need to have protected sex with the rapidly increasing cases of unwanted pregnancies and the widespread of various sexually transmitted diseases.

Some research efforts have found that kids nowadays have knowledge and exposure to the subject of sex at younger ages of about 12 to 14 years old. This is the age of puberty, wherein both girls and boys start to get really curious about the changes in their physical structures. Because of youth and lack of sufficient knowledge and information, many teenagers fall into practicing pre-marital and teenage sex.

Teenagers think having sex at younger age makes them adults. Never do most of them think of the greater responsibilities and risks that come along with teenage, premarital and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, consequences and events can transpire before teenagers realize the danger and disadvantage of engaging in unprotected sex.

Safe sex is very important. That is because the primary evolutionary purpose for sexual drive is to reproduce. Failure to practice educated and safe sex can lead to unplanned pregnancy for teenagers who are just starting out in life. This is a usual pitfall for teenagers engaging in premarital sex. Those youngsters who neglect the value and importance of safe sex are often led to live with diminished potential because of early parenthood. The need for sex education pales in comparison to the burden of how those kids would raise families and kids of their own.

In addition to unplanned pregnancy would be the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Simple sexual ailments like herpes and gonorrhea are easily transmitted. Worse, if the STD contracted is HIV or human immunodeficiency virus, there is a greater possibility for the occurrence of AIDS. Teenagers are most prone to the disease because they are curious and are open to being sexually adventurous.

What can parents and societies do to help ensure that teenagers would practice safe sex? For a start, parents might assert that ensuring that their kids abstain from sex would be the best way. However most recent studies have shown that abstinence-only education does not help prevent teenagers from engaging in sex. So if that would fail, it would be easy to just make the kids prepared for any possibility.

Disseminating knowledge about safe sex is highly recommended. It is the concept of still enjoying sex albeit the use of several tools and items to safeguard both parties. Through safe sex, unwanted pregnancy and sexual disease transfer can be effectively curtailed. There can be an obvious delineation in any lesson plan between educating teenagers on safe sex and encouraging it.

What is the most common types of safe sex? The use of condoms is so far identified as the most common and practical form of safe sex. Through the use of latex rubbers, sexual couples would not be exposed to risks of infections and the possibility of early or premarital pregnancy would be effectively eliminated.

Kamis, 26 November 2009

Talking to Kids About Sex

Parents, at some point, need to discuss sex with their children. It’s an uncomfortable topic, could be embarrassing and it’s certainly not easy, however, it’s mandatory so be prepared. I think the earlier we have “the sex talk” with our kids, the better.

Little kids, starting at around age 6 or about the time they enter first grade, will begin to be curious about where babies come from and possibly about something they’ve seen or heard in the media, at school or at home. I think it’s very important to open a dialogue with our children before the idea of sex becomes blown out of proportion or our kids hear something utterly ridiculous about sexuality from a classmate or friend.

When both my children turned six, I talked to them about sex as clearly and honestly as I felt they could comprehend. It was not a strictly clinical conversation, with big words they wouldn’t have understood or concepts they couldn’t grasp. I asked them if they wanted to know where babies come from and how and why babies are created. This got their attention. I told them exactly how a baby was created, explaining that a man planted a seed in a woman’s tummy, just like planting a seed in a garden and precisely how that occurs. I did tell them that this was something married people do to create babies and to express their love for each other. I also assured them that sex was pleasurable. They had some questions although they were mostly grossed out by the implications and there was plenty of “eeeeeeeewwwwww Mom!” flying around. I stuck with it and gave them the straight story, with the offer to explain anything and everything they might be concerned about then or any time in the future. They had interesting questions for about a week and then it was just another absorbed life lesson, which they were able to pass along to their less sexually educated friends to clear things up when one of their peers had misinformation to share with the whole class.

The sex talk is not something we will be able to avoid until our child become teenagers or when we might feel it is more appropriate. By then, our children will be experimenting with kissing and potentially more if they are desperate for information and sexual education. Our kids are typically taught a routine form of sex education in middle school or possibly as early as fifth grade where the basics of sex, reproduction and how their bodies function are explained in clinical terms. You should know that most teachers are just as uncomfortable discussing sex with your children as you are.

I think explaining sex clearly and rationally to children should happen before their minds are corrupted with imaginings of crazy sex acts explained by their less knowledgeable and shock happy peers who will be more than thrilled to tell your children all manner of stupid things in the name of sex. Please tell them the truth, the basic facts about sex and as early as possible so they are armed with the correct information about something that will become important to them sooner than we want to think about.

This is also a good time to incorporate teaching our moral values regarding sex, marriage, relationships, respect for our bodies and the bodies and feelings of others. If you’re extremely liberal and feel that everyone and anyone should be having sex whenever and wherever they feel like it, please consider taming your free spirit in the name of teaching your children a semblance of chastity and moral dignity. Likewise, if you are horrified at the idea of explaining sex to your children or have an aversion to sex, please consider having someone more comfortable with their sexuality have the sex talk with your children. Many pediatricians will be able to help with this or ask another family member of the same sex as your child to help you out.

As my children got older, I’d bring up specifics about sex that I felt they needed to understand. When my older daughter began dating in her teens, I explained that it was not in her best interests to let boys touch her breasts or do anything more than kiss. I told her the truth; that she would likely feel more emotionally involved over the encounter and the boy would probably mostly feel the need to tell every other boy in school about the episode. Because she trusted that I would always tell her the truth, she got it, was always chaste, and did not ever feel confused about what to do or not do in any romantic situation. As an almost-adult, she now has a remarkably clear-headed approach to relationships, her obligations to herself and those with whom she is involved and a healthy outlook on sex and the part it plays in adult relationships.

Your opinions, stories, input and questions are very much welcomed on this subject and I will open this discussion on my forum for all who would like to become involved, either to help other parents through this minefield of “the sex talk” or to gain insight for your own talk about sex with your children. This is one of the tough jobs we, as parents, have to face. Know that many other parents are in your position and are just as confused about how to approach this delicate subject.

Senin, 23 November 2009

Sex During Pregnancy – The Facts On Enjoying Sex

Now that you’re pregnant, the biggest question for many women is whether to continue having sex during pregnancy.

Most expectant parents worry whether sex during pregnancy will harm the baby or cause discomfort, pain or even miscarriage.

These worries are completely normal and while you continue to have a normal pregnancy, are usually unfounded.

If you're pregnant or planning a pregnancy, here a few hints to ensure you can continue to enjoy a happy, healthy sex life during pregnancy.

Sex During Pregnancy – is it safe?

If you are having a normal pregnancy, then sex during pregnancy is considered safe.

If you are considered high risk for complications such as pre-term labor or miscarriage, then you should discuss your concerns about sex during pregnancy with your health care provider.

Having gentle, loving sex will not harm your baby in any way.

Sex During Pregnancy – Satisfying the need for intimacy

Honest and open communication between you and your partner will be the key to a satisfying and safe sexual relationship during pregnancy.

Many pregnant women experience fluctuations in their desire for sex during pregnancy. Some will have no desire at all, while others will feel an increase in sexual desire.

For some, symptoms of nausea, fatigue, breast tenderness, and the increased need to urinate, make sex too much of a ‘chore’ particularly during the first trimester.

During the second trimester, when most of these symptoms subside, some women find their desire for sex increases.

During the third trimester the desire for sex can subside as the uterus grows larger and the reality of what's about to happen sets in.

Your partner may also experience fluctuations in sexual desire. Some men feel closer to their pregnant partner enjoying the changes in her body.

While others find it difficult reconciling the identity of sexual partner with expectant mother.

Just as you do, your partner may also have anxiety about the burdens of parenthood, or concerns about the health of both the mother and their unborn child.

Sex During Pregnancy - When It's Not Safe?

If engaging in oral sex, your partner should never blow air into your vagina. Blowing air can cause an air embolism - a blockage of a blood vessel by an air bubble.

This could be potentially fatal for mother and child.

If you are having sex with a new partner, ensure you know their sexual history. If you become infected by a sexually transmitted disease this could be transmitted to your baby.

Sex During Pregnancy – Making the most of it!

As long as the desire is there, there are many ways to satisfy both your needs for intimacy.

Learning how to please each other with or without penetration can actually improve a couple’s sex life.

Oral sex, kissing, caressing, and experimenting with other positions can keep sex comfortable and exciting.

As your pregnancy progresses, experiment with these positions to find the most comfortable.

• Lie partly sideways – this allows your partner to keep most of his weight off your uterus

• Lie on your back at the side of the bed with your knees bent, and your bottom and feet perched at the edge of the mattress. Your partner can either kneel or stand in front of you.

• Lie side by side in the spoon position – this allows for shallow penetration

• You go on top - this puts no weight on your abdomen and allows you to control the depth of penetration
• Sit on your partner's lap as he sits on a sturdy chair

As you come closer to birth - precuations to take

Avoid lying flat on your back during sex, particularly after the fourth month. If your uterus compresses the veins in the back of your abdomen, you may feel lightheaded or nauseous.

Some doctors recommend you stop having sex during pregnancy in the final weeks as a safety precaution because semen contains a chemical that may actually stimulate contractions.

This need only be a concern if you are near or past your due date.

Sex during pregnancy should be enjoyed as once your baby is born, exhaustion, privacy issues and lack of time may well take the choice out of your hands.

Apart from the intimacy of sex during pregnancy, there are additional benefits as well. Sex releases endorphins, relaxes muscles and helps you sleep.

Jumat, 20 November 2009

Finding Men That Are Interested in More Than Just Sex

Most women—and most men, by the way—do not understand why men are often pre-occupied with sex. We tend to believe that the problem is an irresistible biological urge. And sure, there is a large biological component, but that’s far from the whole story.

What men want most is a feeling that they’re loved unconditionally. They want unconditional love—what I call “Real Love”—just like women do. When they can’t get that—which is the case with almost all men—they go looking for whatever form of Imitation Love (anything that we use to fill the emptiness caused by a lack of Real Love) they can find, and for whatever sense of connection or closeness they can find.

Here’s when men run into a problem. See, women learn from the time they’re little girls how to connect emotionally with the people around them, and part of that is that they’re taught that connecting emotionally is all right. They have permission to express how they feel—it’s perfectly acceptable, for example, for young girls to cry. They can ask for help. They can say they don’t know something. They can ask for directions. They can even express emotional neediness.

But heaven help a BOY who tries to do the same things. That’s entirely different. Go out on a school playground during recess and watch the boys interact with each other. They’ve already mastered the male macho thing: They act tough, they have a pecking order, and the currency of their games is power. If a boy cries, or expresses his needs, he is instantly and thoroughly condemned. A boy who cries is a sissy. And it gets worse for men. Ask any man what would happen if he walked into a locker room and said, “You know, I’m feeling empty and scared.” He would be a social leper.

So, many men—perhaps most—soon discover that there is only one socially acceptable way for them to feel emotionally close to another human being: sex. Even though the sensation is very brief, during sex men can achieve a sense of intense connection to a woman. Sure, it’s also a great source of physical pleasure, but it’s the emotional connection that keeps them returning to women again and again. If it were the physical pleasure alone that mattered most, they could accomplish that without a woman.

The problem here is that without sufficient Real Love (unconditional love), sex uniformly becomes a substitute for Real Love.

It becomes a form of Imitation Love, and that is a formula for disaster.

In the beginning, both men and women get so much Imitation Love from sex—usually in the form of praise, power, and pleasure—that both partners are CERTAIN they’ve found genuine happiness. The positive feelings are powerful. What they don’t realize is that with Imitation Love those feelings will ALWAYS wear off, and then they’re left with nothing—actually worse than nothing, because they’re left with disappointment, anger, even a sense of betrayal.

Now, back to your specific situation. All around you, women are attracting men with sex. Everywhere. You see it on television, in movies, on magazine covers, and in the daily actions of your friends and others. And, in the absence of Real Love, it’s only natural that they would do that. Women get an enormous sense of praise and power—and some pleasure—from offering sex, and men obviously get pleasure, as well as some praise and power. The exchange is huge—almost irresistible—and you’ve noticed that if you don’t offer what all the other women are offering—if, in your words, you don’t “put out”—most men tend to leave. On the other hand, if you do “put out,” they don’t stay for long. That’s because that initial rush—the emotional and physical high of sex alone—never lasts.

So what’s the solution? Almost all dating advice is about how to play the game better. Wrong. It’s not how you play the game that matters. It’s a matter of not playing the game at all. The moment you choose to play the game of Imitation Love, you’re doomed. Let’s say you’re the perfect sexual object—on a scale of 10, you’re a 12—and you know exactly how much sex to offer, and when. You are a master of the game. And you know how to do every other thing to get a guy to like you. You’re still doomed, because all that manipulation can still get you only Imitation Love, and it will wear off.

You’re probably already playing the game. You’re already offering sex to men, and how’s that working out? You’re advertising yourself as a sexual object, and then when that aspect of the relationship gets old, your partner is understandably disappointed.

So what can you do? Be yourself. Tell the truth about yourself, including your mistakes, flaws, fears. Not all at once, but gradually and sensibly.

Read the book, Real Love in Dating, and you’ll get some great ideas about how to be honest in a relationship from the beginning.

Absolutely avoid having sex with a man until you’re married to him. I’m making no moral or religious judgment here. I’m only sharing with you the wisdom gleaned from the experiences of millions of people, including yourself. You have already proven that having sex as a way of attracting men doesn’t work. When you’re trying to find a relationship based on Real Love, having sex early on is simply distracting and confusing.

If you do offer sex, you will attract the kind of man who is looking for sex as a substitute for Real Love. Duh. And that is not what you want.

If, on the other hand, you make a decision to quit playing the game of Imitation Love—if you make a commitment to hold out until you’re married before you have sex with a man—you’ll discover that you won’t keep attracting men interested in that superficial substitute for Real Love. If you do occasionally attract a man who pushes you to have sex with him, think about it. If he’s pushing you to have sex before you’re in a committed long-term relationship—like marriage—what is he telling you? Who is he thinking about, you or him? Do you want a relationship with someone who is willing to shove your happiness aside for his own selfish interests?

By choosing the path of Real Love, it might take you longer to find a partner. Maybe. But Real Love is always worth waiting for. And what if it does take longer? What prize do you get for being the first on your block to attract one superficial man after another? There’s no prize here for speed, only quality. Be calm, be patient—and do whatever it takes to get what you really want. Don’t sell out for the short-term satisfaction of just any old relationship. It ain’t worth it.

The world is literally dying from a lack of the one thing essential for our happiness—Real Love. We spend our entire lives trying to replace that unconditional love with praise, power, sex, money, entertainment, safety, and so on. But it never works, and the resulting emptiness and fear are almost too much to bear.

We don’t have to live like this anymore. Greg Baer and RealLove.com are teaching (1) the real cause of fear and anger and (2) how to find this Real Love that replaces the fear, anger, and conflict in our lives with peace, confidence, and genuine happiness.

Dr. Greg Baer is the author of 16 books, DVDs, and CDs—two of which are internationally published by Penguin Putnam Group—and has presented the life-changing message of Real Love to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.

Senin, 16 November 2009

Kickstart Your Sex Life Today

Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? It's not like you don't care but well, it's just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there's work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing! When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you're not in the mood. Or you just can't be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can't remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?

Or maybe you've just fallen into a rut. You have sex in the same place at roughly the same time each week and do the same things. Routine is good for things like brushing your teeth but it shouldn't come into your sex life when variety and excitement are crucial elements in making it fulfilling.

If this sounds like you and you want to kickstart your sex life back into well, life, then read on.

1. Be spontaneous

The element of surprise can be very seductive. Take a shower together, surprise your partner with a long passionate kiss when they are expecting to just graze lips, buy some new lingerie and wear it.

2. Get healthy

Eating well and regular exercise put you in better touch with your body and that inner healthy glow not only makes you look more attractive but gives you heaps of energy and makes you feel more vibrant and alive.

3. Be affectionate

If you haven't had sex for awhile then it may be better to build up slowly to get back into the groove. Instead of trying to go from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into the physical by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other. Touch when you talk. Stop to kiss when you walk past each other in the hallway. Trail your finger along their shoulder as they sit reading a magazine. Snuggle on the couch in front of your favorite movie.

4. Be sensual

Give your partner a peppermint foot bath when they get home from a busy day. Massage their hands, scalp, back - wherever takes your fancy (if you don't know how to massage, don't think about it, just do what feels good). Or try a lighter touch by using a feather or silk scarf to trail along the length of your partner.

5. Be encouraging when your partner does something you like

Even if you've been together a long time your partner doesn't always know what you like and even if they do it doesn't hurt to tell them once in awhile. Say what you like and why you like it, if they have more information you never know what they may come up with to please you.

6. Read your partner an erotic bedtime story

The mind is crucial in any attempt to resuscitate your sex life. It needs to be turned on first and the body will follow. There is some great erotic fiction around or you could try Nancy Friday for stories about other people's sexual fantasies.

7. Have fun

When was the last time you laughed together? Put on your favourite track and dance. Or buy the music that was popular when you first got together and play that for a trip down memory lane over dinner. Take a midnight dip.

8. Write a sexy letter

If you can't tell your partner what you really want them to do to you, then writing it down is a great alternative. It lets you be as specific as you like without feeling like your face is going to turn tomato red and gives your partner time to process what you've said and get into the mood (if you need help putting your letter together try visiting http://www.loveyouletters.com for easy-to-us love templates).

9. Experiment

Learn a new technique together. Try a romantic weekend away. Or you could try a sex toy from one of the many on offer. If you always have sex lying down then try standing or sitting. If you're always on top then try switching things around.

10. Focus on the now

When you do get down to it, it is crucial that you focus on exactly what it is you are doing. To do this you must stop the chatter within your own head. Don't worry that you forgot to pick up the drycleaning, or how you need to call your mother about her birthday, or the fact that you're out of cereal. Leave all that stuff to later. Much later. Chances are it won't seem nearly so important once you're done.

Kamis, 12 November 2009

3 Hot Foreplay Sex Tips That Will Result in Earth-Shattering Orgasms for Any Relationship

A good relationship with a loving partner definitely makes life worth living. Whether you are married, divorced or single, there is no doubt that you have discovered that sex is a very important element in finding and maintaining a healthy and joyful love life.

However, the meaning of sex between men and women is as different as a rock to a jet plane. Men can get turned on visually by a sexy lingerie or a hot model in an adult magazine. Whereas, a woman needs to be emotionally connected in order to have sex.

Because both sexes are wired differently, sexual problems can drive a wedge between couples.

Problems experienced by women include:

- Difficulty in becoming sexually excited

- Trouble reaching orgasm

- Not enough foreplay before intercourse

Problems cited by men include:

- Ejaculating too quickly

- Attraction to women other than their partner

- Erectile dysfunction

Thus arrives the inevitable question…How can I help my partner consistently reach orgasm?

Here are 3 easy foreplay tips that will make you a great lover and generate high-intensity, full-body orgasms for both you and your partner:

Use The Sense Of Touch To Excite Your Partner

Awaken the erotic anticipation in your lover by introducing touching into your lovemaking. Gently and slowly massage those secret hot spots. One part of the body to focus on is the ears. You can stimulate the ear by lightly stroking it with your tongue or probing it slowly with your finger.

Another part of the body to target is the inner thighs. There is a bountiful of sensual nerve endings awaiting your touch. Start with slow, short strokes and build to a mediocre rhythm.

However… are you ready for the number one hot zone that will spice up your sex life and get those juices flowing?

If you really want your partner to explode with desire, the most hypnotic and erotic spot on the body is the feet.

The secret of foot pleasuring began in the Bible. In the book of Solomon beginning in Chapter 7, King Solomon aroused his many wives by admiring their feet and sandals. Solomon had 1000 wives so just imagine his shoe bill. In addition, the Chinese have been using foot pleasure since the Tang Dynasty in the 10th century and it still exist in their current culture.

The goal is to arouse the senses – all of them by using the power of the foot. There is nothing more pleasurable than a long, slow, relaxing foot massage. Use a sensual-smelling massage oil such as Japanese Cherry and massage the sole of the foot in a slow, circular motion. Next, use your nose or tongue and explore the toes, the ball of the foot, the heels and the top of the foot. Caressing the ankles, massaging the arches, smelling and kissing the soles or sucking the toes are easy yet very effective ways to propel your partner into total bliss!

Change Your Sexual Routine

If you find you are bored or dissatisfied with sex, try changing your sexual routine. For example, if you are a woman and you are nude during sex, buy a sexy nightdress. If you normally do wear a nightgown, go nude and show your body. If you are a man, change those old pajamas or T-shirt and buy yourself a silk nightshirt.

A second tip is to make love in a different room of the house such as the shower, a hot tub, the washing machine while it is on spin cycle or the pool table. However, watch out for that glass coffee table that was only made to support 50 pounds. Be creative, use common sense and enjoy yourself.

A third tip is to change or advance your sexual positions. For example, if you are a woman, try drawing one of your knees toward his chest or try resting both of your legs over his shoulders.

And here is the new super sex tip of the century:

Reverse the universal sex position – to all men, lie on your back and women, please mount him. This position will allow the man to prolong the buildup before ejaculation. The man does not move at all while the woman does all the work using his penis to hit every g-spot, h-spot, i-spot or whatever alphabet she is aiming for. This technique will forever eliminate the 2-minute man. The football game in the other room will have to go into overtime if he wants to see it.

Plan A Spontaneous, Romantic Experience

Instead of the crowded restaurant scene, prepare a candlelight dinner for two. Or plan a sexy picnic with your favorite foods and a large rug and blanket to cover both of you. Then spend a romantic night in a hotel. If you have children, hire a baby-sitter for a day and spend the day visiting art galleries, museums or the zoo.

Here are a few more romantic ideas that either a man or a woman may enjoy:

- Buy new sheets for the bed and leave a love note on it.

- Too tired to cook or not a good cook and on a budget? Ask a friend to prepare a meal for you and spend an evening together with your partner in front of the fireplace.
- For men, know the six gifts that women request the most: jewelry, shoes, handbags, perfume, lingerie and attention.

- For women, know the six gifts that men request the most: sports memorabilia, tools, electronics, clothing, tickets and no nagging.

- Frame your baby pictures together.

- While out in the public, show your affection to each other by holding hands, hugging or just saying, I love you.

- Take long walks together on a regular basis.

- Make a homemade card or write a poem to your partner.

- For women, hide a box of chocolates under his pillow.

- For men, hide a gift certificate from her favorite store or salon.

- Communicate and listen to each other.

- Schedule and learn a new dance routine together at your local dance studio.

Remember – action speaks much louder than words. You don’t have to buy big expensive stuff - it is the little stuff you do that makes you a good lover.

So…get off your lazy butt and show your partner that you love him or her.

Kamis, 29 Oktober 2009

Best Sex You've Ever Had

Judging from my long time experience as a tantric sex coach, it seems to me that most people at some point in their lives have a sexual experience that could be called transcendental or mystical, or simply "out of this world" wonderful. This special sexual experience could have taken place with a partner or on their own. It doesn't matter how it came about, what matters is that many, many people naturally have this kind of amazing sexual encounter, often quite inadvertently. That's because our bodies, psyches and spirits are wired to have this kind of experience. It's in our original blue print to be ecstatic. When we are able to totally relax, let go, trust and open up, magical, divine love-making happens all by itself.

So, if it's so natural, why don't more people enjoy mind-blowing sex as a regular, everyday thing? That's because our upbringing has trained us out of our intuitive knowing. Still, having once, or sporadically, had this experience, it is only understandable that people spend their lives trying to recapture that special moment, often failing to do so. Some manage it occasionally, but few have it consistently. Others go down the wrong track all together into all kinds of sexual distractions, even sex addiction. But what people really seek deep down is sex that helps them merge with the divine, sex that tunes them into the love that is the very fabric of who we are, sex that helps them melt and become one with God, Goddess, The Source, "That which is eternal".

The reason "Tantra" has become so popular lately is because tantric sex describes quite well this sacred sex that people are missing. And so people try out whatever suggestions they find under the term Tantra. But what a lot of people don't understand is that no amount of techniques or special breathing rhythms or chants or body positions, or incense or gadgets will get you to this longed for state of blissful pleasure and merging.

What you need to get there is much simpler then that. To have fantastic life-altering sex you need emotional and physical openness, that's it.

It's simple but that doesn't mean it's necessarily easy.

That's why, paradoxically, these mystical sexual experiences are often experienced by couples who are fairly new to each other. Check your own experience and see if I'm right.

This is so because couples who are new to each other are typically a lot less weighed down with cautiousness. There is an innocence, a freshness, a hopefulness and a lack of negative expectation. There is an absence of the protection that usually builds between a couple as their intimate relating touches old emotional wounds and as lack of sexual knowledge and communication skills creates repeated disappointments.

Does that mean that you should go from honeymoon to honeymoon, from partner to partner in search of this magical sex. Oh no! The truly best sex, the lasting kind, the really amazing deeply transformational sex is always found in committed relationships where the partners keep growing in closeness together.

So what can a couple do to consistently have the best sex they've ever had? And not just on their honeymoon or once in a great while?
They can commit to emotional, physical and energetic opening. But how?

In my home audio workshop and e-book "Sex for the Soul" I go into great detail as to what a couple can do, but here I'll just give you a short list of tips:
1. Have eye contact when you make love much of the time. See and allow yourself to be seen, be emotionally naked.

2. Talk about your sex life. Be willing to increase your communication about specific sexual physical details by 100%; what works for you, what doesn't, and what you wish your partner and you would try. Keep blame out of it. Rather then focusing on what doesn't work let each other know what would work. Make yourself vulnerable and be honest.

3. Relax your body when you make love. Slow things down enough so that you can feel your genitals very sensitively. Start slow, and slow down in between more heated moments. Your body will teach you how to have sacred sex if you slow down enough to listen to it.

4. Be willing to experiment with new ways of playing in the bedroom, physically and emotionally.

5. Don't settle for sexual gratification, which means, don't just go for orgasm at all cost, neither his nor hers. Seek to make love, to create a space of lovingness, each time you connect sexually.

6. Make love often; bring your bodies together regularly. Let your lovemaking become a meditation of surrender, connection, vulnerability and deep relaxation. See it as a spiritual practice. Let your relationship be a journey of learning and growing in love together.

And here an excerpt from my upcoming audio program "Sex for the Soul"

.......One of the messages of this program is: Don't just have sex, make love! Most people, when they hear the words "making love" immediately assume it means having a sexual exchange, am I right? Have you ever really considered why that is? It is because, since time immemorial, sex is one of the best ways that humans have to create more love: in their relationship, in their lives, and on the planet. Unfortunately, the way things are nowadays, having sex doesn't mean making love. Consciously engaging in the act of creating more love through the sexual act is not what most people think about when they are having sex. The way sex is promoted these days in popular culture presents sex as a means for physical pleasure, excitement, fun, or even social status. Although there is no problem with any of these, the media is inadvertently promoting loveless sex. "Tips for better sex", "How to have more sizzling orgasms", "Make sex last longer", "5 new techniques to Dazzle Your Partner in Bed"-- these are the headlines we see every day on magazine covers. The word "love" does not appear in any of these headlines and that's why it's easy to forget to look for love.

Another message of this program is equally important: Don't just live together, make love! So many long- term couples have given up and resigned themselves to a life of companionship, and maybe occasional sex, but there are many easy and some not so easy things a couple can do to bring the spark back to their partnership.

And to come back to the value of tantric techniques, special breathing rhythms, mantras, chants, sexual positions, energy exercises, incense, sacred symbols, etc. Once you have emotional openness all the above can be a lot of fun and add to your experience in lovely ways. Often the biggest value is not the technique itself but the fact that in endeavoring to bring these things into their life, couples start talking about their sex-life and begin to explore. But just remember, you don't really need any techniques to have the best sex you ever had. You just need to trust yourself and your body ever more deeply.

If you want to start today, try one of my tips for Sacred Sex above.My audio workshop will give you many more explicit and detailed instructions to work with, but for now go to my list of tips and start exploring the vast depths of sexual mystery and magic that is yours by birthright.

Minggu, 25 Oktober 2009

Sex Ed in the Sixties

The following is from the beginning of a short story by the same title. Read “Author Bio” to learn more.

****

I was recently doing a search in Google to find a website that would confirm my suspicions about a Tele-huckster—a pet peeve of mine to which I am hopelessly addicted. One thing led to another and, yada yada yada, before I knew it, my flat screen monitor began flashing a string of sexually explicit pictures in brilliant pulsating color. It was an X-rated pop-up extravaganza; one I was unable to keep up with. I clicked frantically trying to close one close-up invasion after another. The bombardment continued on until it ran its course, eventually reaching some kind of worldwide web adult abyss that even the internet could not crawl below.

As I cleaned up the dirty debris I so innocently spilled—well maybe not that innocently—I was struck by my good fortune. Thankfully, the internet came along decades after my early teen years. Had this stuff been around in the Sixties, I might still be squirreled away in my attic room to this day, trimming the hair on my palms while mumbling incoherently to my seeing-eye dog.

On the other hand, learning the whereabouts, general appearance and overall purpose of female parts would have been a heck of a lot easier, not to mention more timely. Instead, my sex education was really the collective result of a hit or miss operation. At the time it was torture, but I don’t know, there was something funny about it too. And it all started at my local summer recreation center, Carteret Park ...

****

“What did Roy Rogers say to Dale Evans in the bedroom when the lights went out?” Mud Finnegan asked a rapt group of adolescent boys sitting around a long wooden table at our local summer hangout, Carteret Park. He was about twelve years old, a year older than I and several years older than most of the kids sitting on the benches—that was age-wise but he seemed a generation older than all us in every other way.

Mud looked around, working the table like a seasoned Catskill comedian. No one dared answered his question because it really wasn’t a question at all. It was an obvious lead-in to the punch line of another classic dirty joke; besides, no one had a clue as to the possible answer—no one that is except Moon Muller.

“I know!” Moon yelped in a lame attempt to impress the guys, as if he was really in the know.

“Shut up! You don’t know crap!” Fitzy snapped back, warning that one of his patented headlocks might be coming Moon’s way if he didn’t keep his big trap shut.

“Do too!” Moon fired back in a surprising show of bravado.

“Are you two f’in jerk-offs through?” Mud, as only Mud could do, used the “F” word with a certain artistic flair. He painted masterpieces with four letter words no differently than Monet did with colors from a pallet. Having regained the attention of his fickle audience, he continued to close the deal.

“Do you f'in dick heads wanna hear the f’in joke or doncha?” His eyes got wide and kind of crazy looking, one eyebrow climbing higher than the other. Of course, we wanted to hear. Everyone settled down. He waited a moment, knowing timing was everything; then, delivered the goods.

“I’ll turn on my flashlight if you turn on your headlights.”

A flash of universal vacant thought swept across the sea of open jawed faces, like the eerie stillness before a tornado strikes, as our feeble brains scrambled to “get it”. Then, as if prompted by an audience monitor, an explosion of rip-roaring, doubled-over laughter swept around the table. Ah … Mud sure could bring it home. Making it all the more incredulous was that most of us struggled to understand the punch-line. But we knew enough to laugh because that always bought us time to figure it out.

Mud proudly acknowledged his success with a wide grin, while he waited for us to wipe the tears from our eyes, boogers from our noses and drool from our chins. He was on top of his game. Being the veteran performer he was, he launched into an encore with another doozey about some lost traveler asking some guy who is with a woman how far is “The Old Log Inn”; you can guess the answer. Another eruption of roaring, clueless laughter followed. Another tidbit of carnal information revealed.

That was my introductory class to sex education in the Sixties.
We weren’t taught concepts like “private parts”, and never heard of or cared much for formal words like “penis” or “breast” or “vagina”. Our language was narrow and practical; “logs” or “rods” and “headlights” or “cams” were all we knew or needed know to communicate with each other. Regarding “vagina”, only a few guys with older sisters had even the slightest notion of what that might be; most of us were under the delusion that girls had simply broken their logs off at birth; possibly by accident or through carelessness.

So all we had were Mud’s dirty jokes, and embellished stories of older sisters spied on or caught in some state of undress. It was all a forewarning of things to come. I mean we understood the direct symbolism of certain words to body parts and innately found the sophomoric humor in using such imagery in the context of a joke. But underneath it all we started to sense that there was more to this than met the eye, something sinister.

As we’d soon come to discover, there sure was!

Rabu, 21 Oktober 2009

How To Be Your Child's Sex Educator

The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about who should hold the responsibility of educating young people about sex and sexuality. On one side of the spectrum there are those who believe that parents and only parents should be teaching such sensitive and value-fill information to kids. On the other side, there are those who say that not enough education is being done in the home and that the schools need to step up and do the right thing by kids.

To further the debate and increase its complexity is the question about what exactly kids need to know and when. President Bush has issued his own view on the matter by granting government funding for those schools and programs that provide “abstinent only” education, meaning that there is no discussion about anything but abstaining from sex until marriage. Many people believe, and most research proves, that this message severely short changes children and could potentially set them up for making bad and or even life threatening decisions.

Many parents that I talk to believe in comprehensive education (talking about all aspects of sex and sexuality including abstinence), and are always comforted to hear that research is firm in showing that kids want to hear it from their parents and often make better choices when they have had those parental conversations.

But…..parents as sex educators…. This prospect for some is almost as frightening as the concept of kids having sex. Take it from me; it doesn’t have to be frightening. There is so much information available that anyone, even parents, can do a great job. There are just a few things to keep in mind in order to be successful.

A. Be honest and open. The rule is that if a kid asks a question, he got the idea from somewhere and needs to have an age appropriate response. Ignoring the question or telling a child that he/she shouldn’t be asking about such things sends the message that certain questions are off limits and they will take those questions elsewhere, school friends for example, who don’t always have the correct answers or have the family values that you would want articulated in mind. Keep in mind the "age appropriate" part of this tip. As parents we don't want our kids to know to much to soon, but developmentally, they may be more advanced and ready to hear more than you think. If you aren't sure, look it up.

B. It is ok to share your values and morals and what you expect for your family. I think that often parents feel like they can’t express their own expectations for their children when they educate about sexuality. You can talk about methods of pregnancy and disease prevention at the same time that you are talking about abstinence and relationship building. One is not exclusive of the other.

C. It is also ok to set limits and boundaries where you need. Talking about a penis in the middle of the grocery store is not appropriate. Those types of situations can easily be handled by telling a child that his or her question is valid and important, but would be much better dealt with at home. The thing to remember here is that you must go back to your child with the question when you said you would. Thinking that your child will just forget and you’ll be off the hook does nothing for your credibility. And trust me, your kids will not forget, they will just remind you that you forgot when it suits their needs.

D. Often times a parent will get a question about a topic or a situation that they are not comfortable with or have very little information about. It is critical for parents to know and believe that they do not have to be experts in sex education. They must be able to, however, know their limits and know where to get the resources they need to refer their children for the right answers. It is also ok to admit to your child that you aren’t the best person to talk about this topic, but that you know the person who is.

E. As difficult as it may be, it is also important to completely understand what your child is asking and why he/she is asking the question. I heard a story once that a little girl asked her Dad what secs was. Hearing this, Dad automatically assumed that she was asking about sex and went into his whole birds and bees lecture. When he was finished he asked his daughter why she had asked the question. The young daughter stated that mom said that dinner would be done in a couple of secs. She just wanted to know what that meant. Clarifying the question is vital to making sure that you are answering their questions thoroughly and completely.

F. Bone up on your own education. It is not enough that your children know about the latest method of birth control, you should also know. Know what it is that kids are talking about and thinking about when it comes to sexuality. Go to teen websites, read teen magazines, have conversations with your kids. The more information you have the better you can educate your kids.

G. Take advantage of teachable moments. Kids won’t always want to talk to their parents. Especially if you haven’t set up your home environment this way. So you may have to bring up a subject out of the blue. Use situations that you see on television shows or articles that you have read to get kids opinions. Ask them what they think. Share with them what you think and why. For example, you are watching the latest episode of The Bachelor. Ask you child how they feel about having intimate relationships with so many people in such a short time. Discuss the messages that you think the show sends, find out what messages your child is receiving. How do they feel about group dates? Anything to open up those lines of communication.

So, what do you do when the big day comes and your child asks you a tough question? You can start by using the C.A.L.M. method of answering.

C- Clarify the question. Ask the child why the question is being asked. Where did the topic come up? What does the child know about the topic or what does he/she think the answers are. This will definitely make sure that you are staying on the right track.

A- Answer the question basically. I like to think about building blocks when answering tough questions. You start with the most basic answer and then build on that answering from the next level and so on. Try to avoid the tendency to lecture. Kids, especially young ones, rarely listen to a long explanation; they only are listening for they think they want to hear. This could become problematic in that kids will not hear the correct answer or they will interpret incorrectly what you have said.

L- Listen to your child response. By answering basically you allow your child to let you know if he/she got the complete answer they were looking for. If they ask you another question, you know you need to go to the next building block. Don’t forget to watch for body language too. Some children may not have the words to ask more questions. But you know your child and you will know when his body language shows that he isn’t clear or in completion with your answer.

M- Motivate your child to continue to feel comfortable to ask more questions. Letting kids know that you are a safe person to come back to and that you will continue to answer their questions will keep them doing so.

We all want to do what is best for our kids, and for most of us, their safety is priority one. Use these tips to approach sexuality education in your own home with confidence!

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Sex Education